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How much is too much to let your kids know about your household finances?
How to educate them about the value of the almighty dollar?
By Divva Aggarwal
As the financial crunch encroaches upon every aspect of our lives, a very crucial question for all parents is how much is too much to let your kids know about your household finances? Should we let our children continue in blissful innocence, unaware that problems exist or should we include them in family discussions about money related problems? Is it possible to give them too much or too little information? This is a dubious question because where on one hand we all want our children to just enjoy their childhood without unnecessary burdens, it is quite important to make them understand the importance of money and why they are being denied certain privileges or things.
We have to be careful that our four small words "we can't afford that" might not instill a feeling of deprivation and discontentment in the child. Secondly, we have to consider the age of our children. How can we expect a 3 year old child to comprehend what an economic crisis means? There is only so much that his small head can accumulate. The most important things for small children (let's say children of 10 years of age or below) are safety, security and love. In their world, these three things are more important than money and it is our job as parents to explain to them that regardless of what may be going on with the household budget they can feel confident in those three things. Having done that we can think of explaining why certain things are being put on hold in an age appropriate manner. Older children may feel more secure if they are included in family discussions and will also be able to get prepared for any significant changes in their lives due to finances. Be careful that your children don't misinterpret your and your spouses' financial fights as their fault.
Children should be educated about value of money. However, leave the knowledge of day to day expenses and bills out of the picture. The discussion undertaken with them should be such that they are not to blame themselves for the financial problems that arise; and that even though you owe money; they should feel confident that you will be able to take care of the tough times without letting it bother them. We have to let our children be children, and make sure that they're not saddled with the burden of economy and prevent ruining their childhood.
Every child has to be intelligently and subtly educated about the value of money so that he/she can make wise decisions in the future. The best time to start this education is when your child is able to calculate and count. The best way to start this would be to fix a weekly or monthly allowance and condition the allowance according to their behavior. For example if your kid asks for money, you could ask them to earn it by doing some household chores like cleaning their room or doing laundry etc. This simple action will help them valuate the money he/she is getting.
Help your kid understand what budgeting of money means and how can it be helpful for him/her. Every person has a list of "needs" and "wants". If we want to educate our children about the value of money we have to tell them to prioritize from their list of needs and wants. You should help your kid to understand that saving money will help him fulfill his wants in the future. A good way is to ask your kids to make their weekly budget utilizing only the allowance amount that they usually get and refrain from giving them more money apart from that allowance till it is very urgent.
When you give allowance to your child, try giving it in denominations that encourage savings. For example, if you are giving 5 dollars, give 5 1 dollar bills and encourage your child to put aside one dollar for saving.
Another good practice to help your kids appreciate the value of money is by setting up a bank account for them and educating them about how the value of money can increase with the interest they would receive on the money they invest.
Always remember that you have the power to create and mould your child's financial imprint. Budgeting and saving is not taught in school, you have to be your child's teacher as nobody else is going to show them how to succeed in life and avoid the huge financial pitfalls that lurk around every corner.
Communicate with your teen
By Divya Aggarwal
Technically, adolescence is a stage of transition in physical and mental human development that occurs between childhood and adulthood. This transition involves biological (i.e. pubertal), social, and psychological changes and is often referred to as a tough time both for the teenager and the parents. The confusion of being in middle of childhood and adulthood is what makes this stage very challenging and difficult. A teenager is neither too young to be shunned of all responsibilities nor is too old to be expected to behave in a mature manner. This perplexity in expectations builds the bridge of lack of communication between the teenager and the parents. But the question is whether the cold war can end? Can the ice be broken? How can you open lines of communication with your teenager?
I believe that the root cause for most all communication problems lies in implied statements that are not fully communicated between parents and adolescents.
For example:
Parent: Can you take out the trash?
Teen: Ok
One hour later
Parent: I told you to take out the trash.
Teen: You didn't say it had to be done now.
Similarly there are numerous instances when teens feel that parents should know what they mean. These conversations can cause a lot of frustration and lead to unnecessary tension. The most important step in sharing with teens is the knowledge of effective communication. Effective communication is basically the exchange of thoughts, ideas and information using both verbal and nonverbal cues in such a way that each person understands and can act on what has been communicated in a way that seems appropriate and favorable. If parents communicate effectively with their teens, teenagers are able to trust their parents more which helps better and firmer foundation of their growth. They feel that their parents are actively listening (and not merely hearing), which shows that their concerns are being heard. This makes them realize that their thoughts, ideas and feelings matter to their parents. Try giving your teen your full attention because if you take time out to listen to them, there is high probability that they will listen to you in return.
Try to let your teen express himself or herself because expressing one's feeling is a very healthy thing. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to agree with all your teen's feelings; this simply means that you acknowledge his/her feelings. If you cut short your teen's conversation by statements like "I don't want to hear this kind of talk again", they will never be able to open up to you. Again, the key word is listening and not merely hearing.
The next step could be to educate your teens' that every action they do has a consequence. Parents tend to punish their teens by taking away something the adolescent enjoys; for example, no TV for a week. Let's analyze a situation for this. You tell your teen to do some household chores but the teen leaves without doing them. Instead of criticizing him or punishing him by not letting him watch TV for 2 days, you could make your teen do your chores as well as you had to do his chores for him. Actions will speak louder than words if you let your teen experience the natural consequence of his actions. It will also make them realize that they will be held accountable for what they do. Your teens will get more privileges as they grow older but it is very important for them to realize that extra freedom comes with more responsibilities.
Don't criticize your teen's actions. Try taking the positive approach. Instead of pointing out what's wrong with your teen's actions, try describing what is right and then what still needs to be done. A little encouragement from you will go a long way in strengthening your relationship with your teen. Alvin price has rightfully quoted: "Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry."
Find some time to spend with your teen by indulging yourself in some common activity. This will help him open up to you as it will give you common topics to talk about.
Adolescence is tough on both parents and teenagers. But for once try and put yourself in your teen's shoes and remember that you were also a teen once and you faced the same problems.