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The Grandeur of True Love Transcends Time
By Jonathan Weichsel
Los Angeles County is a hub of the myth that love is something that is easy. We all grew up watching, and still watch, movies and TV shows depicting a kind of love that hits one suddenly and after a brief whirlwind leaves one living happily ever after.
But love is not easy. Love presents constant challenges and obstacles that leave the ordeals you go through at work or in your careers seeming like fairy tales in comparison. Love is the most difficult thing in the world, and you are no less of a romantic for acknowledging love's difficulties.
Love is so difficult that it can not be achieved, let alone sustained, without some kind of guidance. Instead of looking to movies and TV shows, which sell us an ideal that appeals to our laziness, let us look to history in order to find our model of love.
The most important thing history teaches us about love is that it requires personal sacrifice. An illustration of the kind of sacrifice love requires can be found in the true-life story of Edward VIII.
Edward VIII was crowned king of England January 21st, 1936 at the age of 41. But, he had a very serious problem. He was in love with a woman by the name of Wallis Simpson. Not only was Wallis Simpson not a member of a royal family, but she was an American, and the king, Prime Minister Baldwin told him, could not marry an American. Further complicating things was the fact that she had been divorced twice, and the Church of England forbade the marrying of a woman who had been divorced.
On December 10th 1936, after almost a year of soul-searching, Edward VIII decided to abdicate the throne in order to marry Wallis Simpson. In a radio address to the English people explaining his decision, he spoke the famous romantic words,
"I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility and to discharge my duties as king as I would wish to do without the help and support of the woman I love."
One of the problems with the myth that love is easy is that it ultimately leads to cynicism about love. Movies and TV shows present us with ideal scenes of love, whether in the form of blissful households or sweeping adventures. When our own lives don't measure up, we come to the conclusion that love is impossible, or at least that it is not for us.
The same argument may be made about the story of Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson. After all, we are not all kings. But, there is a difference. Movies and TV shows tend to present model circumstances, and we have little control over the circumstances of our lives. The story of Edward VIII presents a model of behavior. While none of us will have to give up the British throne, we all need to make sacrifices in order to make love work. They may be small sacrifices, like quitting smoking or cutting down on drinking. Maybe you need to make a slightly larger sacrifice, like not taking that sixteen hour a day job that is just so important to your career.
Whatever personal sacrifice you are required to make for love, you should know that you will be compensated. Love carries with it a kind of drive that the unloved and unloving can't even imagine. Love has driven men and women to accomplish some of the most spectacular feats in human history. The greatest monuments in the world are monuments to love, and that brings us to the greatest monument to love of them all, the Taj Mahal.
The great white dome that tops its mausoleum is one of the most famous sites in the world. The giant arch that serves as an entryway, the intricate decorations that cover the interior and exterior, the magnificent gardens, and the many elaborate structures all serve to heighten the grandeur of this amazing feat of architecture.
In 1631 Mumtaz Mahal, the third wife of Emperor Shah Jahan, died while giving birth to the couple's fourteenth child. Shah Jahan, stricken with grief, decided to turn his loss into action, and commissioned the construction of the Taj Mahal in Mumtaz Mahal's memory.
The Taj Mahal is a building with a moving story at its origin. It is a sad building, but because it was built out of love, it possesses unique powers. At the completion of the Taj Mahal, in 1648, Shah Jahan wrote these words in commemoration,
“Should guilty seek asylum here,
Like one pardoned, he becomes free from sin.
Should a sinner make his way to this mansion,
All his past sins are to be washed away.
The sight of this mansion creates sorrowing sighs;
And the sun and the moon shed tears from their eyes.
In this world this edifice has been made;
To display thereby the creator's glory.”
It is unlikely that any of you reading this have the resources to build something as expensive as the Taj Mahal, but the actions of Shah Jahan can still serve as a model.
It is only natural that, after unexpectedly losing a loved one, you would want to turn your grief into positive action. This is why so many people in mourning set up charities in the name of the deceased, and commemorate parks or hiking trails to the dearly departed.
One does not have to be in mourning to be driven by love to accomplish great deeds. It is more than a little sexist to say nowadays that behind every great man is a great woman, but it is still accurate to proclaim that behind every great deed is a deep and undying love.
It is no accident that of all our presidents thus far, only one has been a bachelor. His name is James Buchanan, and he is widely considered to be one of our worst presidents.
As for the rest, they all had loves that were so great that many have become a thing of legend. We all learned in school about the great love between George and Martha Washington. Not only did George Washington propose marriage to Martha only three weeks after they first met, but it was during the couple's second date.
George Washington was a British general at the time on leave from the French and Indian war. He knew that he had to go back to the front line, but he also knew that he couldn't live without Martha. When George Washington died many years later, Martha was so stricken with grief that she became bedridden, and couldn't attend his funeral.
A more modern example is that of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, whose marriage survived questions of incest, the opposition of their family, and numerous infidelities to become one of the greatest partnership presidencies in American history.
And of course, there is the deep love felt between Ronald and Nancy Reagan. Throughout their marriage Ronald Reagan wrote his wife love letters, many of which have now become famous. On their 31st anniversary, while sitting onboard Air Force One, he wrote,
"You know I love the ranch but these last two days made it plain I only love it when you are there. Come to think of it that's true of every place & every time. When you aren't there I'm no place, just lost in time & space. I more than love you, I'm not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I'm waiting for you to return so I can start living again."
Very few people get to become president of the United States, but we all have dreams, or goals, or at least things we really want to do. While it is true that you can accomplish many things alone, you can not accomplish them as well as you would be able to with someone else by your side.
Have you ever tried to take a walk along the beach alone at night? At first you are struck by the wonder and beauty of the ocean, by the moonlight glistening off the blackened waves that seem to roll out into infinity. But the magic of it all soon begins to wear off, and your mind wanders into morbid territory. Unpleasant memories bubble up to the surface of your consciousness, and before you are done with your walk you begin to feel cold, and just want to go home.
If being alone makes a simple thing like taking a walk along the beach more difficult, imagine what it does to our greatest undertakings. Your work becomes oppressive, when you are working for no one but yourself. Your dreams lose their sheen when they become all about you, and there is no love in them.
This is why, with the exception of Buchanan, all of our presidents have been in love. One can not achieve the great task of becoming president without a great love acting as a motivational force and bedrock of support.
While our presidents are known for their great loves, none of their loves have been perfect. I know this, because there is no such thing as a perfect love. In fact, your love can not succeed unless you acknowledge that it can never be perfect. The truth is that all lovers sometimes fight. This brings us to one of the most famous fighting couples in American history, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor.
Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married to each other not once, but twice. Their first marriage lasted from March 15th 1964 to June 26th 1974. Their second marriage lasted from October 10th 1975 to July 29th 1976. And man did they fight! On set, Burton liked to refer to Taylor as "Miss Tits." But when he was really mad, he would call her "the fat tart." When they traveled, they had to rent the hotel room above their own so that people wouldn't hear them fight. Burton once drove Taylor so mad with his insults that she attempted suicide.
But, the couple was also known for their romantic heights. Richard Burton constantly bought artwork and jewels for his wife, including the famous 69.42 carat Burton-Taylor diamond. Shortly before Richard Burton died in 1984, he said of himself and Taylor, "The world has always been amused by us two maniacs." When Elizabeth Taylor heard about his death, she became so stricken with grief that her then fiancé, Victor Luna, grew jealous of the dead man and called off their wedding.
Hopefully you do not fight with your lover as badly as Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor fought. But when you do fight, remember that it does not mean there is anything wrong with you, your partner, or your love. All lovers fight. Lovers can be viscous, cruel creatures. There is no reason for it. It's just the way it is.
Another thing you should know about love is that it sometimes ends in tragedy. Love ends in tragedy when it is in some way at odds with the society that the lovers live in. A famous example of tragic love can be found in the story of Boris Pasternak & Olga Ivinskaya.
Pasternak wrote one of the greatest love stories of all time in his novel Doctor Zhivago. So, it should come as no surprise that he also lived a great love story.
Olga Ivinskaya was Boris Pasternak's lover, but she was also his writing partner. When the Stalin regime deemed Doctor Zhivago to be anti-communist, they couldn't arrest Pasternak, who was a world famous author, so they decided to get at him by arresting Ivinskaya instead. First, they sent her to Lubianka prison, and then, without giving her a trial, sentenced her to hard labor at a camp in the Mordovian Republic.
The Soviets tortured the pregnant Olga, trying to get her to "admit" that Pasternak was a spy. Even after the torture she endured caused her to miscarry, she still refused to name her husband. Olga was briefly released from prison, and lived with Boris for awhile before being arrested again. When Olga was finally released from prison for the second time, the first thing she did was to visit the grave of Pasternak, who had died of cancer.
We like to think that our society is not so closed that we force lovers apart. But the truth is that we look down on young lovers, even though we were all once young ourselves. And we have such stringent ideas about personal responsibility that we don't stop to consider a family in need.
Each one of us can help by being more accepting of others' love. But if you are one who feels the axe above your head, know that as compensation for the threat of tragedy love brings a certain kind of intimate sensuality that is unknown by the unloving and unloved. Perhaps no lovers in history have had as sensual a relationship as King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba. Sheba traveled to Jerusalem because she had heard of Solomon's great wisdom, but once the two met, something deeper formed.
The love between the two is recounted in the biblical poem, The Song of Songs. The first stanza of the poem reads,
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth:
For thy love is better than wine.”
These words are famous for their unbridled sensuality. But perhaps it is the final stanza of the poem that contains the true Valentines Day message.
“Thou that dwellest in the gardens,
The companions hearken to thy voice:
Cause me to hear it.
Make haste, my beloved.”
And that brings us near the end of our Valentines Day discussion of love. To sum everything up: Love is difficult, and requires great sacrifice, but the rewards it brings are greater than the sacrifices made. All lovers fight, and sometimes, when love is at odds with society, it ends in tragedy. The threat of tragedy is more than compensated for by sensuality and intimacy.
This is not a radical definition of love. It is a classic one. So, this February 14th, while you are going through the rituals of Valentines Day, the chocolates, the flowers, and the nice restaurant, take a moment to look at the person across from you, and remember that you are doing it all for love.