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Home » Coverstory

Dating 101
By Jonathon Freeman-Anderson

Now the first tip for Dating 101 comes in the approach to ask someone out on a date. There is absolutely no reason why any one should be considered creepy, shy, obnoxious, or annoying in their approach to ask another person on a date, but it's seems easier said than done for people to be themselves. Today, starting with a "hello, how are you?" from a stranger may come off odd, but a friend request on Facebook is completely standard as an impersonal introduction that has potential to lead to more in the future. However, we here at Valley Scene are not a bunch of ageist snobs and understand that despite computers invading most of everything in life there is a way for two people to meet more traditionally. Generally, bars, nightclubs, and cafés' are satisfactory locations to meet new people and not come off wrong. Especially considering many of these locations have some liquid truth drugs; either alcohol or caffeine that lowers inhibition, raises interests, and increases communication between people.

Once an actual date has been set, finding an interesting activity or event that will be fun and engaging is not difficult. Trying not to be cliché about dating may not be so easy, however. The following list of dating clichés may help some avoid a failed date. For example, carnivals and amusement parks may be fun nostalgic reminders of times gone by, but any stuffed animal trophies or activities that make adults act as if they are eight years old may take away from the romance. Then again, that is just what some older folks need to remind them of their first love.

The next cliché to avoid on dates is just being overbearing with too much information or intensity too fast. Beyond that, if one is seriously into some religion, social group, music style, sporting activity, or political party, try and not to turn the date into a sad, tour of one's lifelong obsession. Consider balancing the conversation between what both people are interested in discussing and doing.

Another cliché that may be difficult for some people to get over on first dates are over-affectionate parents. Realistically, no romance can arise from looking at a wallet foldout of the best bathtub photos of someone's kids for an entire date. The kids are not the ones trying to enjoy their night out; the couple is, so leave them at home.

It is also popular to go on group dates, which on its own is not necessarily a bad idea for people who are shy or have trouble with intimacy. However, it is not a good idea to bring a group full of close, single friends. They will always want to garner more attention from the couple towards them than allowing the couple to enjoy the date.

Be smart on a date. The drunken bar scene may be ideal for a one-night stand, but for a long term relationship, starting off or participating in a night of sloppy, inebriated debauchery can kill romance as much as be the start of a beautiful beer buddy friendship. However, a great date is not something that just makes acquaintances into beer buddies or any other kind of buddy, but presents a quality time to inspire each other to call the next day.

Do not give flowers or candy to someone right in the beginning of the date. This will only give them something to hold for the remainder of the date. In addition, isn't there something more resourceful to get a date like gas or lotto tickets than flowers or candy? If one wants to be sweet on a date, progressive, and cool, let the date drive your car or give them an elaborate puzzle to solve and find Mariah Carey tickets. In addition, do not text or talk on the cell phone at dinner on a date. If one wants to make a true, amazing impression, turn off all cell phones and enjoy the ride. Unless someone is a doctor or S.W.A.T. then there is no emergency to interrupt a pleasant picnic or moonlit stroll.

Staying open to new possibilities and spontaneous opportunities will keep the date from becoming stale or predictable. For starters, do not put up a wall or hold a sign that says, "friends first." Of course, there are creepy guys and dirty girls out there that need to be filtered out. However, by maintaining a firm stance on keeping people in the friend zone first, some real quality people may turn away or fall through the cracks from one's anal-retentive standards. Reading people effectively is essential for a good date, but to assume too much too soon will only create horrible judgments early on in a relationship. The smart dates will accept you for who you are and predetermined assumptions will fall by the way side on a truly un-regrettable date.

One of the biggest turnoffs on dates is talking about ex-relationships. Taking a date to where an ex works for the date like a restaurant where they wait tables is like taking an ex-con to the original crime scene. No good can come of it. Nothing is worse for impressions than giving a bitter ex the opportunity to chime in on how it used to be with old so-and-so. There is guaranteed date sabotage when the current date sees yesterday's news and wonders, "Did they date that?" Before anyone can get to a goodnight kiss there will already be an awkward tension.

General date clichés include actually walking on the beach, candle-lit dinners, and cozy fireplaces on a polar bear rug while wearing grandma's hand-knit sweater, drinking hot cocoa, and listening to the best of Neil Diamond. Do everyone a favor, burn and destroy the photo that came with the wallet that displayed this arrangement of romantic bliss as ideal because it is old, overdone, and needs an update.

No matter what the latest Hollywood trend to abuse small-domesticated animals while protesting for the salvation of large, endangered animals do not bring a pet on a date. The dog growling in the bag feels just as uncomfortable as the date would be going for at least one person, probably the person without the pet. Also, if anybody else sees the pet relieve itself, eat something off a plate in a professional establishment, or kiss their owner on/in the mouth, than there's a guaranteed zero chance of a second date, let alone a second half to a date after something like that. Essentially, just like the kids, leave the animals at home or in the cages at the zoo if that is where one chooses to go on a date. A recommendation for a good romantic locale does not generally include the zoo for obvious proximity to animal-related smells.

The dress code for any date should be comfortable. The necessity for people to go way beyond what is appropriate for clothing seems to be the trend lately, but be yourself. For women, think about what kind of guy you are going to attract with the clothing theme being "less shows more." Do not be surprised if it is not what you had in mind. Alternatively, for men, do not go out of your way to look like a dork or Abercrombie and Fitch model. If how you look does not seem natural to you, than it will not seem natural to your date. Be modest or do not display the freakier side of the wardrobe until a few more dates down the road when it is more appropriate for the locale. If you do not want to arouse unnecessary comments than think, realistically, about what looks good, and what will make the date better. In addition, bring a jacket. For men, it can be useful to keep her warm on a walk. For women, bring a jacket because the man may forget and in today's equal opportunity chivalry, what if he is cold. It could be a nice change of stereotype to see the woman giving the man her coat.

Whether it is a cozy restaurant, an intimate hotel, or a bar, treat your sweetie to one of the wildest romantic dates in Southern California. Try romance in the hills, a lovely garden, or a serenade in one of the best hotels in the world, it is all available in the Valley and around Los Angeles. A romantic date can always start with Malibu, the only place that has more movie stars than Beverly Hills. Dramatic ocean views, wildflowers in springtime and rocky cliffs are always available in Malibu for a sweet romantic moment. One of the quintessential South Californian experiences is a cruise along the Pacific Coast Highway while the waves crash alongside the drive. Just drop the hood down and take a slow drive at night along the coast. Visit Venice beach, one of the top spots for romance. The sandy three-mile beach is the least of the attractions here. Street performers ranging from musicians, jugglers, and fortunetellers are all there to entertain while the eclectic mix of the people, restaurants, and galleries makes the area one of the best for fun.

Another costly yet fabulous idea for romantic dates in Los Angeles is a sunset romance flight of 50 minutes. The plane seats four with excellent window-side views in all four seats. Enjoy the sunset from the air. Take off from the world famous airport of stars, fly out towards Santa Monica and Malibu, and return just as Southern California starts twinkling with lights. It is spectacular, amazing, and unforgettable.

Love is infectious, bountiful, and amazing. People feel good from loving the most basic things: red wine, ice cream, farmer's markets, fireworks, birthday cake, mini-ponies, etc. Show that someone special a good time, regardless of the pressure of Valentine's Day. Know what they love to do in the first place. Everyone's sweetheart deserves a special night out. Amongst other things, whether in a relationship for a day or a lifetime, people love to be considered special.

A few great date restaurants include the Beachcomber Café, located at 23000 Pacific Coast Hwy, in Malibu. For the first time in about 15 years, sweethearts can spend V-Day on the Malibu Pier. Opened in June of last year, this luxurious yet laidback hideaway is making every effort to impress with a red-carpet experience. For $79 per person, walk the red carpet to get a photo taken, enjoy a glass of champagne and indulge in a four-course prix-fixed menu with highlights like oysters on the half shell, pan seared Dover sole, filet mignon with twice baked potato and a choice of desserts. There are also complimentary chocolate-covered strawberries. Consider Cafe Bizou, at 14016 Ventura Blvd. This intimate Sherman Oaks favorite is celebrating couples with an affordable and flavorful French-inspired feast. For just $34.95 per person, enjoy a three-course meal with menu options, as pasta, fish, steak, soup, salad, and the combinations are endless. Try the Taste on Melrose at 8454 Melrose Ave, West Hollywood, CA 90069. Relatively inexpensive, this down-to-earth Nor Cal-style bistro feels worlds away from the Melrose Avenue madness. The special "aphrodisiac" 3-course prix fixed menu is just $49 per person. The quiet, softly lit bistro is perfect for a nice, quiet meal at a reasonable price. Il Cielo, located at 9018 Burton Way, in Beverly Hills, presents romance within this lush, twinkling Italian courtyard easily. Make a reservation for their $225 (per couple) prix-fixed 4-course meal and select from veal, beef or Chilean sea bass entrees. Sushi Roku, located at 1401 Ocean Ave, in Santa Monica, has for about $85, sushi with the chef's multi-course "Omakasi" tasting menu. This sumptuous Oceanside spot for Asian tapas is incredible. While a lively crowd of young singles often frequents here, one can maximize chances for romance by requesting a table on their enclosed outdoor patio, and time it right for a spectacular sunset. La Dolce Vita, on 9785 Santa Monica Blvd, in Beverly Hills, has no pricey prix-fixed menus here. This classic will be serving up the same old-school romance and charm as usual come V-Day. Select from two seating arrangements, one at 6pm and one at 8pm, and treat a date to a night to be remembered. Bond Street Beverly Hills, located at 9360 Wilshire Blvd, in Beverly Hills, inside the luxurious Thompson hotel, has a sushi restaurant's prix-fixed ($75) offerings. It is a treat from top to bottom, starting with a sweet passion fruit mimosa and ending with chocolate in a cup beside nutella and banana.

Face it: Dinner and a movie is a clichéd, not to mention pricey, date idea. There are much more creative ways to impress without spending big bucks to do it. Whether it is the first date with a new flame or the hundredth with your significant other, here are some entertaining date ideas for less. While many comedy spots around town have hefty cover charges in addition to the infamous two-drink minimum, shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre all cost under $10, and many are even free. The theater sells beer and soda for just $1 in the lobby; afterwards, head to nearby Bourgeois Pig for an after-show latte or to Birds Restaurant for a nightcap. It is an L.A. landmark, but many Angelinos still have not visited the Griffith Park Observatory, which offers some of the best views of the city. Admission to the observatory and grounds is free, and tickets for the IMAX-style films in the Samuel Oschin Planetarium are just $7 per person. Both day and night visits offer sweeping views of L.A., and on clear nights free telescopes are available for looking at stars. Also, grab a bite in the Cafe at the End of the Universe.

Dating on the cheap does not mean being stuck going to dive bars and diners. Downtown Mexican eatery and tequila emporium, Provecho, is celebrating its one-year anniversary with happy hour specials including $1 tacos (steak, chicken, or potato), $2 Tecate, and $3 Sam Adams drafts from 3pm to 7pm Monday through Friday and 5:30pm to 7pm on Saturday. The deal goes through the end of the 2010. Romantic getaways to Thailand are out of the question on limited funds, but get a taste of the Far East with an afternoon in Thai Town. Explore the area's shops and markets, then when hungry head for a meal at Thai Town Noodle, which serves tasty $5 bowls of noodles reminiscent of Thai street food. Visit Palms Thai for inexpensive Thai food accompanied by an endearingly eccentric performance by the impressive Thai Elvis. If dating an outdoorsy type, the trails of Temescal Canyon provide easy hikes up to stunning views overlooking the Pacific Ocean and the city. Pack a picnic and bring it along for lunch with a view, and do not forget $7 cash to pay for parking in the lot (or park free on surrounding streets). Wait until after a downpour to go (a difficult feat in rain-scarce L.A.), and get a chance to see the trail's small waterfall.

Dating is an all year activity, but the pressure is especially on around Valentine's Day to plan and execute a quality romantic experience. Valley Scene Magazine wants to help every one of all ages and stages of relationships accomplish their ideal dating scenario. Whether the lonely and looking, the recently steady, or the high school sweethearts still swinging together in their golden senior years, every couple wants original, creative, fun dating ideas. Simple cliché flowers, candy, dinner and movie ideas are just archaic now and within the evolving 21st century standard of relationships, there is a high demand for fresh, innovative ideas. Life is too short to get fussy with the details in the equation that makes one happy. Whatever small grace or momentary pleasure makes this life all worthwhile, whatever makes love that much more evident in its existence, pursue that, and live within its joy because there might be plenty of fish in the sea, but there are only a few people that make every day, let alone every date, special. Whatever works, do that, and regret nothing.


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