|
Home » Kids
Kids
How to Discipline Your Child without Smacking or Shouting
By Catherine Njau
If you have a toddler, aged 2-4 years, you may wonder how it got to the point where you found yourself enslaved to a person one-third your size. For some children the 'terrible twos and beyond' phase only consists of mischievous curiosity, and a few incidents of stubborn refusal to do as you ask. For other children, it may be a case of temper tantrums, hitting, biting, and bedtime hysteria. They appear to have no discipline whatsoever.
When your child is not listening to you and their behavior is out of control, you can as a parent feel as though you are doing everything wrong. You might be led to feel like a bad parent, like your child wouldn't behave so badly if you were a better mother. That is a horrible feeling to have and it just corrodes your confidence and make you feel completely overwhelmed, which only makes the situation worse. It is probably worse when you go out with your child, shopping or to visit family and friends and you cannot get them to listen to you. You are always afraid that they will have a tantrum and then everyone will judge you for not being able to control your child. You may even sometimes resort to bribing your child, so that they can behave themselves.
However, with the right approach to disciplining your child, you could be back in control once again. All children are different and there is no one explanation for a toddler's sudden spate of bad behavior. As they come into their own and test their newfound independence their behavior can change from that of a placid child to one whose behavior is out of control.
As children go through different stages they are constantly testing limits, expanding their horizons, and trying to take charge of themselves. Parents need to know the developmental stage of their child and then set limits. It is important to note that the limits will not work if they are not appropriate to the child's developmental stage.
If you are having problems with your toddler, there are some discipline techniques you can use to make your life easier and to more easily communicate the boundaries to your child. You don't have to resort to screaming or spanking. Before we look at these tips, there is one important distinction to make: It is important to distinguish between the child and the behavior. You can let your child know that you don't like their behavior, but take care not to disapprove of them. It is always important to remember that is the behavior you do not like and not the child.
One way of disciplining your children is giving them time out. The rule of thumb is 1 minute for each year, so if they are 3 years old they get 3 minutes. When using this technique, it is important to give your child a warning first, and if they continue with the behavior, then take them for quiet time. Tell the child exactly why you are having them time out, and once finished, explain to them once more why their behavior was not acceptable.
If your child takes awhile to calm down after they get upset, use a 'time-out'. Have them sit in a chair in the kitchen or living room. Remember you are teaching your child discipline so don't send them to their room as punishment, unless there is no other choice. You don't want them to see their room as a bad place to be, and you would like to observe them as they simmer, so you know they are not breaking things or misbehaving further.
When teaching your child discipline, give them the guidelines and instructions upfront. Don't wait until they break the rules to explain the rules. It helps to tell children what they can do, rather than what they cannot do. Or, tell them what kind of behavior you want, rather than what you don't want. Use plain, clear language. Remember, a toddler is capable of understanding complex concepts, but you don't want to use words they don't understand or explain your requirements as a 'throw-away'. Go to the child's level by kneeling or picking them up, and slowly and carefully explain what you want them to do.
When disciplining your child, do not raise your voice or hit your child to get them to obey you. Keep an even tone. You may use a stern or firm tone of voice, but remain calm while you are talking. Remember, you are teaching them how to react when they are angry or upset. You don't want to reinforce this behavior by displaying your own temper tantrum. If when disciplining your child you are in danger of losing control, stop the discussion and walk away before you do any physical harm.
Try to be consistent in the way you react to their behavior, and try to keep that consistent with how they are expected to behave elsewhere, e.g. at nursery. It is also important to have everyone involved in looking after your children have a consistent approach to discipline. Let your partner, grandparents and babysitters know exactly how you would like your child disciplined and make sure they carry it through; otherwise they will sabotage any progress you have made.
Parents should never spank their children, because this has been shown to have no effect on the child's behavior. The child learns to accept the spanking and to wait it out, with no lasting effect on the behavior you wanted to change.
One of the best ways to encourage good behavior is to praise your child when they do share, or when they do go to bed as you requested, or when they finish their meal. Positive reinforcement can go a long way toward breaking bad behavioral patterns.
Anxiety Disorder Symptoms in Adolescents
By Emma Hudson
Because adolescence is a time of mood swings and angry outbursts followed by tearful withdrawals, it is very difficult to tell if your teenager is just being a typical adolescent or if their behavior is indicative of a bigger problem. Quite often, anxiety disorders in children and teenagers are overlooked. This can be a dangerous oversight as overly anxious teenagers turn into overanxious adults, or even more seriously, the specter of depression and suicide loom large.
Why is it that some teenagers are prone to anxiety while others are more carefree? There are a lot of reasons which can be separated into:
1. Psychological - When a teenager is unable to cope with the changes in their bodies and the challenges of adolescent life, they become over anxious. This can also be a learned behavior from a close relative as studies have found that about 50% of people suffering from an anxiety disorder have a family member who suffers also.
2. Genetic - Scientists have been unable to pinpoint exactly to what degree anxiety is a learned response because of a role model or to what extent one is genetically programmed to timidity and anxiety. There is, however, evidence which supports the hypothesis that both factors are responsible.
3. Biological - Studies have shown that abnormal functioning in some parts of the brain are common to those who suffer from anxiety disorders; specifically, norepinephrine, serotonin, and GABA.
4. Medical - Before an anxiety disorder is diagnosed, tests must first rule out the involvement of medical conditions such as cardiovascular disease, lung disease, some types of tumor, thyroid problems, infections, and neurologic disease.
All adolescents worry about something - school, their appearance, acceptance by their peers, their future. But what is a normal level of anxiety and what is an unhealthy level? Probably the best yardstick to use is whether anxiety is interfering with your child's life to the extent that once-routine activities are things of the past.
There are two components to anxiety disorders - physical symptoms and behavioral problems. The physical symptoms include nausea, sweating, headaches, diarrhea, stomach pains, high blood pressure and heart palpitations. Behavioral problems manifest themselves in uncharacteristic and negative actions.
For example, are they skipping school? Are they doing badly in class? Are they staying in all the time whereas in the past they hung out with their friends? Do they think that if their work or appearance is not perfect, they won't be accepted - which leads to obsessive checking and re-checking? Do you suspect they drink alcohol, smoke or take drugs?
Teenagers suffering from an anxiety disorder find they cannot concentrate on their schoolwork, find it more difficult to make decisions and perceive their environment in a different way than they used to.
There are six types of anxiety disorders; not all of which are usually found in children and teenagers. More common to pre-teens and teens are Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety disorder and panic disorder. Depression often goes hand-in-hand with these conditions, especially in adolescents.
Parents need to be aware of their teenagers' behavior, be responsible, be there and seek help if you see these warning signs. Don't ever forget that they are still just children and need you.
back to top
|
