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'GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST'
CONNOR GETS A SPANKING
By Sean Chavel
Connor Mead (Matthew McConaughey) loves women…just not any one woman. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past features the golden-stud actor as a womanizer who shows up at his brother's wedding and proceeds in hitting on every woman at the wedding party including the bride's mother. Yet he proclaims love is a myth and determinedly pleads his brother Paul (Breckin Meyer) to ditch his bride and reclaim his bachelorhood. Maid of honor Jenny Perotti (Jennifer Garner), Connor's childhood love, shakes her head disapprovingly at Connor ceaselessly. Michael Douglas shows up as the ghost of Uncle Wayne, the dirty old lecher who was a one-time mentor to Connor. Can you guess who steals the show?
In the wildly implausible opening scenes a bunch of half-naked models are dreamily laid out on a studio set while Connor, as the hot superstar glamour photographer, comes in late to work but manages to get wow-factor publishable shots within a matter of minutes. Connor, as it turns out, started out as an assistant to Herb Ritts. No, Herb Ritts does not make an appearance in this movie. What seems like no time at all following his professional duties, Connor is seducing one of his subjects while breaking up with three women on his web cam simultaneously. Of course, he makes every single woman feel special and unique for about a couple of weeks at a time before they're disposed. "Are you really as bad as they say?" one lustful woman asks. "No, hon. I'm just a little bit worse," Connor says with a devilish wink, and of course, McConaughey does his trademark ham-and-salami smirk.
Cutting to the weekend wedding party, it takes place at one of those fantastic sprawling estates you find only in the movies or northern Massachusetts. Following the rehearsal dinner, Connor meets Uncle Wayne's ghost in the men's room who warns him that if he doesn't sock it he's going to end up alone in the twilight of his life. Uncle Wayne knows all too well of the loneliness that plagued him before his death. Uncle Wayne tells Connor that he is going to be visited by three ghosts who will show him the past, the present and the future.
First up is girlfriend past Allison, a gum-smacking tart played by actress Emma Stone who is an awful tour guide for the movie - she's an eyesore and a screech to the ears. Going back in time, Connor is able to see from an objective point to early happy days with Jenny, his first rejection, how he developed his "game" from Uncle Wayne, and a revisit with all the women he's jilted over a lifetime. Some of them say they were his girlfriend for a week, and one in particular says it lasted for 48 seconds. She didn't say whether it was an elated 48 seconds or not. By obligation, I must mention that the second and third tour guides are played by Noureen DeWulf and Olga Maliouk.
What Connor learns is that his brother's wedding should be treated as a cherished rite, and that this is his narrow-window opportunity to reconnect with his lifelong love. Jenny though is thicked-skinned and cautious around Connor. "He's like the Tin Man. He was born without a heart." Will he be able to break down her cemented heart and show her that he has a genuine side of loyalty? Is there any profound truth to be found in a formulaic romantic comedy? Do these two actors share genuine chemistry? If you've seen enough movies, you should be able to answer two out of three of these questions without even seeing the movie. As for chemistry, these two get by on their gleaming sexy smiles.
While the movie is Mc-Conaughey's umpteenth appearance in a romantic comedy, this one finally casts him as the slick player he seems natural to play instead of another slacker-bum like we saw him in such flicks as "Failure to Launch" and "Fool's Gold." Garner has a sophisticated statue-esque prettiness that she's been molding successfully since "Juno." Douglas mischievously slinks into the Robert Evans role even though Robert Evans was never an actor (it's an inside Hollywood joke). These actors look comfortable, even suave, in their roles.
Yet "Girlfriends Past" doesn't really flow all that well, it clunks along before it reaches sporadic inspiration. It must also be added that most of the supporting cast are sitcom cut-outs, featuring women who throw themselves at either Connor or whatever back-up man who seems to be the next available.
Tyson
By Scott Mendelson
What do Henry Tillman, Alex Stewart, Michael Spinx, and I have in common? None of us have lasted even a single round against Mike Tyson. I still remember the code for Mike Tyson's Punch Out that allowed you to skip straight to the title bout (007-373-5963), and I never, ever defeated him. For about a two-year period, I was a boxing fan. When Tyson was in his late-80s peak, I distinctly recall several of his fights on HBO. My uncle ordered the much-hyped Tyson/Spinx fight on pay per view in 1989; leaving to grab a snack in the opening round and return moments later to discover the fight was over. To this day, I can vividly remember the shock of watching the seemingly invincible Iron Mike getting knocked out by the theoretically light weight Buster Douglas in the tenth round. Like the correlation between Mark Twain and Haley's Commit, my fascination with boxing came and went with Mike Tyson.
Just over nineteen years after that stunning upset, Mike Tyson has sat down with friend and director James Toback for a blunt and intimate discussion of his childhood, his boxing career, and the downward spiral that his life plunged into following his epic loss. Anyone with a passing knowledge will know the main details. The rape conviction and subsequent three-year prison term, the failed attempts at a comeback, the infamous 1997 incident where bit off a chunk of Evander Holyfield's ear in the middle of a match (an incident that more or less ended his career)… they are all covered in seemingly forthright detail by the man himself.
The majority of this film is simply Mike Tyson sitting in a chair, facing the camera, and telling the story of his life up to this point. There are plenty of fight clips, news snippets, and other assorted visual aids, but at the end of the day, this is simply one of the most famous boxers in the history of the sport waxing poetically about his successes and failures.
While one can question the reliability of the narrator in several instances, he certainly earns our benefit of the doubt with his apparent honesty. Of his marriage to actress Robin Givens (currently a member of the Tyler Perry casting pool), he casually remarks the futility of one side accusing the other of being a bi-polar, emotionally abusive psychotic, while the other side accused their spouse of being a venomous gold-digger. He resoundingly proclaims his innocence of the rape charge that sent him to prison, and his memories of jail provide one of the highlights of the picture. The most potent moments occur as footage of the infamous ear-biting incident play onscreen, while Tyson recounts a kind of stream of consciousness of what was allegedly going on in his head during the fight.
What emerges from this narrative is a classic tale of a young man who achieved unimaginable success at an age when he was in no position to deal with the fallout. While the filmmaker is obviously a sympathetic ear (Toback has cast Tyson in two of his previous films), there are still doses of unflinching honesty to be found. What is contained here is compelling and worth listening to, but Tyson seems to be only scratching the surface. This first-person documentary is best viewed as a sort of 'cliff notes' for the great autobiography that has yet to be written.
Grade: B
Break
By Jonathan Weichsel
Break, a noir thriller from independent writer-producer-director Marc Clebanoff, is full of awesome fight scenes, unexpected plot twists, and intelligent cinematic storytelling.
Hit man Frank (Frank Krueger) is your classic loner. He inhabits a world of late night bars, yet he does not drink. His associates are the types of people who boast loudly and lewdly about their sexual conquests, but he is an introvert who avoids giving any personal details away. He lives alone, eats alone, and destroys his cell phones after a single use.
Frank has been carrying out hits for the city's crime boss (Chad Everett), known only as The Man. Frank has never met his boss, and instead goes through The Associate (Michael Madsen). When The Associate tells Frank that for the next job he will have to meet The Man, Frank is at first reluctant, and only accepts when he is told he will make $200,000, four times his regular fee.
When the two meet, The Man informs Frank that he is dying, and he wants Frank to take him out. The catch is that The Man has a girlfriend, The Woman (Sarah Thompson), who does not know that he is dying. Being a jealous man, he can not bear the thought of her going on without him, and he wants Frank to take her out as well.
When Frank realizes that The Woman is his long lost love who disappeared under mysterious circumstances, he steals her away from The Man, and tells her about The Man's plot to have her killed. As they are hiding out, The Woman tells Frank that the reason she disappeared is that The Man, out of love, stole her and forced her to work as an indentured servant, paying off her deceased father's debts. But she does not love The Man. She loves Frank.
The Man, furious at being betrayed by Frank, sends various henchmen after Frank and The Woman. The two are chased through the city in an exciting cat and mouse game
as they enlist help from The Mysterious Brunette (Mackenzie Firgens), who is seeking revenge for her husband's death, to find The Man.
The film is full of great Tarantino inspired serious/comedic characters. Michael Madsen brings his usual cool the roll of The Associate, a clean cut but crude man with a thing for heavy set women. Another highpoint is David Carradine as The Bishop, a powerful pimp, drug dealer, and arms dealer. The Bishop dwells is a strange, dark lounge where he keeps a dwarf named Rupert (Gabriel Pimentel) on a leash and collar, and plays out his voyeuristic fantasies of sexual domination.
Sarah Thompson plays The Woman with rare vulnerability. The Woman has lost her father, and all she has left is her dream of being a cocktail singer. The Man has set her up to sing at a local club. Thompson has a great voice, and performs her character's signature song, Break, with a deep, beautiful sadness. Mackenzie Firgens brings a strange, appealing charm to the roll of The Mysterious Brunette. Her wicked smile is simultaneously sexy and chilling. Newcomer Xin Sarith Wuku is both menacing and hilarious as The China Man. The China Man had at one point been the world's greatest assassin, but he lost most of his mojo when he started hitting the bottle. He is still, however, able to defeat an entire room of henchmen with nothing but foot and fist. One of my personal favorite characters is Haiku (Mathew Jones), a bodyguard who only speaks in haikus.
Break is playing for a limited one week run starting May 1st at the Laemmle Music Hall Theater, located at 9036 Wilshire Blvd, Beverly Hills, 90211. For tickets call (310) 274-6869. General Admission is $10. Break will be released on DVD July 14. To learn more, visit the film's official site at: www.nocleanbreak.com.
'BATTLE FOR TERRA'
AN ANIMATED PLANET IN ANOTHER SOLAR SYSTEM
By Sean Chavel
The animated Battle for Terra is a film of visual splendor attached to a story I didn't care about even if I did see it as a parable of ethnic cleansing applied to our global struggle. I should have described this first as a children's movie which it is before anything else. This movie is made for a certain age range and not for me in mind. I wanted to like it more, and even found a moment or two when my jaw dropped in awe especially when the movie opened with a shot that could be seen as a nod to the work of Salvador Dali.
The single most telling problem I had is that the sea-horse shaped alien creatures all had faces that looked alike. Only the colors of their head beads distinguished the characters. Pedigree actors signed onto doing the voiceovers which is certainly essential in following who is who - we recognize their voices and thereby associate them to their characters. Mala (Evan Rachel Wood) and Senn (Justin Long) are the sympathetic alien creatures whom we identify with most closely. One day an arrival comes from outer space. "Not Gods. They are invaders." They are earthlings on a genocide mission. The plot turns "War of the Worlds" on its ear by making humans the bad guys.
Following an aerial dogfight where Mala tricks her enemy, crashing pilot Jim Stanton (Luke Wilson) is captured. Mala and Senn interrogate Jim with the intention of why humans would do this to their Terrian people. Earth has been exhausted of its natural resources, Stanton explains, and they are looking for a new planet to inhabit. Stanton, shaken and afraid, fears for his life in the face of these aliens. Mala and Senn make every attempt to find a common ground with this human. They are a pacifist species who would prefer to make humans their welcome and not their enemy.
But it's impossible to talk peace when warhorse General Hemmer (Brian Cox, using predatory growl in his delivery) is marshalling the humans. He is an uncompromised individual, and when Stanton is reunited with his military, he cannot make any persuasion in Gen. Hemmer to change his course of action. Hemmer is like a Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore type who gets his jollies in firebombing away. What is realized is that the only way to stop the humans is to take Gen. Hemmer down.
Somehow the movie comes to a point where it endlessly poses characters to question their loyalties. Yet a bigger problem I had is how noisy the whole thing was in the second half replete with a burdening heavy-handed message about the need to preserve peace and respecting cultural differences. Yet I suppose youngsters less accustomed to this movie's subject will appreciate the added on explanations and layered thematic descriptions. Other vocal talents include James Garner, Danny Glover, Beverly D'Angelo, Rosanna Arquette, Mark Hamill, David Cross, Amanda Peet, Ron Perlman and Dennis Quaid.
Kate Raynor
Celebrity Immigration Attorney
By Jonathan Weichsel
For over a decade, Kate Raynor has been one of the most sought after immigration attorney for aliens of extraordinary ability in Hollywood. What is an alien of extraordinary ability you might ask? This is the term lawyers use to describe foreign actors and celebrities who want to come to our shores in order to grace us with their extraordinary talents. With the recent increase in films starring foreign actors, her services have become increasingly in demand.
The moment you step into Kate Raynor's lobby, you just know she is not like most attorneys. While other attorneys have bland waiting rooms, hers is full of autographed pictures of famous foreign celebrities whom she has helped come to the land of opportunity. Kate Raynor's clients include many A-list celebrities in Hollywood today. Kate Raynor's clients have starred in such Hollywood Block-busters as Derailed, Ocean's Twelve, Ocean's Thirteen, Around the World in 80 Days, Letters From Iwo Jima, The Last Samurai, Memoirs of a Geisha, Pink Panther 2, Eastern Promises, 300, and many more. Additionally she has represented platinum selling music artists from major record labels such as Capitol Records, Atlantic Records, Sony, Maverick and more. These talented musicians not only produced hit albums, but have created music for such hit TV shows as CSI: NY, CSI: Las Vegas, America's Next Top Model, Pimp My Ride, J Lo's Dance Life, Step It Up 2, and Big Brother, as well as the feature films Spiderman, Annapolis, and many more. Kate Raynor has also helped many television actors that appear in shows such as CSI, Young and the Restless, Ghost Whisperer, Xena the Warrior Princess, Power Rangers, and too many others to list. Her clients also include professional athletes playing for such teams as the Miami Fusion and internationally ranked tennis and world dance champions.
But Kate Raynor does not only represent celebrities. She also represents musicians, directors, writers, and just about every type of entertainment professional you can think of. Many of her clients have won Academy Awards and platinum records in their own countries.
Once you have looked over the glamorous photos that grace the walls of her waiting room, Raynor comes out, and you are greeted by yet another picture of Hollywood glamour, except that this picture is not hanging on any wall. Kate Raynor possesses all of the qualities one might expect from a Hollywood attorney; she is beautiful, charming, and intelligent, but she also has mastery over that down to earth, relatable presence Hollywood is so well known for.
Kate Raynor offers each new client a free consultation during which she reviews their documents, and guides them in creating an immigration package. One advantage that entertainers gain from using Kate Raynor as opposed to other immigration attorneys is that, because of her experience, she knows what entertainers need in order to qualify for visas and green cards. Many times foreign celebrities will go to attorneys who don't specialize in entertainment law, only to be turned down by immigration. They will then go to Kate Raynor, and she will get them approved.
Another advantage of using Kate Raynor is her honesty and integrity. If, after your free consultation, she does not believe you will qualify for a visa or green card, she will tell you right there. But, she won't abandon your cause. Instead, she will offer you career advice and guidance, so that you may qualify in the future. If Kate Raynor believes in an individual, she is willing to stick with him or her as long as it takes.
Although most of her clients are foreign celebrities, Raynor is also highly sought by Hollywood production companies who want to bring performers or directors to work on projects, but don't know how to get the proper clearance. She is also sought after by foreign production companies and film finance companies that want to do business in the states.
Kate Raynor boasts a 98% success rate in bringing entertainers over to the US. And, her clients are very appreciative. It should also be noted that Kate Raynor does not only represent stars. She runs a full service immigration law office, and can handle any and all immigration needs. Although her office is fully staffed, she personally works on every case, and works one on one with all of her clients. If you would like to use Kate Raynor's services, or simply want to learn more:
15720 Ventura Blvd. #312
Encino, CA, 91435
1 (888) 952-9937
www.kateraynor.com.