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Home » Kids

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Making the Holidays Happy for Kids
By Gigi Andreini Gaggero

For us grown-ups the holidays are a festive time. We travel to the homes of family and friends, or invite them into our own. There we show off our children, and indulge in recipes from our own childhoods.

While we like to think the kids are enjoying themselves, that's often not the case. Unfortunately for the children this is a time of crazy chaos, uncomfortable clothes that need to stay neat, sitting still for photographs, lengthy car rides, and of course getting kissed and hugged on by family members they may only see once or a twice a year. We'll hope for their sake your family doesn't have any cheek pinchers - if so, it's even worse! Let's face it - children would rather be grounded to their rooms for life than endure these holiday horrors.

Oh Boy! It's not hard to imagine how all of this can cause the holidays to be a hassle and bring out the worst in them. This time of year should be fun for all, grownups, and children alike. Manners can be taught in a relaxed and fun way that offer up much better results than high expectations and sternness.

Grandparents, parents, and friends can help ease the "agony" of holiday meals by following some of these helpful hints on teaching children proper etiquette and good manners in a way that is beneficial to all.

1. The Menu- Face it, we would like them to try all the different and sometimes foreign dishes on the table, but having a few "kid friendly" and familiar dishes like home made mac & cheese will bring a smile to their face. This also assures that they eat something that's a little better for them than cake, without an ensuing argument and force feeding tactics.

2. The Attire - Allow them to bring a change of clothes along. Try to get any picture taking out of way as soon as possible, and always before food is served. They'll be much more comfortable, and you'll know for sure that there won't be any punch on the front of that white dress shirt.

3. Participation- Encourage them to participate in some of the meal preparation. This can become messy and slow things down a bit, but the pride they show when that dish comes to the table is more then worth it. Cooking together is a great way to enjoy spending time with your child. It allows you to teach them a valuable life skill - and even get a jump-start on passing down the family recipes!

4. Education - Teach them an etiquette rule for the day. A fun example would be how to make a toast. Explain to them that a toast should last only a few seconds and is meant to make others feel good. They can make a toast to welcome the family, show special appreciation to a family member, or tell what they are grateful for. Remind them that the person being toasted should never drink to themselves.

5. Decorations - Let them be a part of decorating the holiday table. Send them on a scavenger hunt for holiday decorations to accessorize the table with. Go along with what they choose, it won't be the perfect table, but it will show creative holiday character and your family's ability to work together.

6. Relaxation - Try to keep things light hearted. Your children want to enjoy the holiday, so let them! If you're hosting the get together, don't use linens or tableware that will cause you to go into a panic when sticky fingers stain it or drop it. Before correcting your child for any behavior, make sure that it's truly warranted - they are after all only children. Expecting them to exude the same decorum as an adult is probably not very realistic. If you feel something must be addressed do so quietly and quickly. There's no reason to go into a 20-minute lecture over placing elbows on the table in the middle of the meal.

7. Indulgence - The holidays are special occasions. Will having three pieces of pie really matter in the grand scheme of things? Practice healthy eating habits the majority of the time, but let your kids be kids and sample those gooey goodies.

8. Compliments- Show praise and compliment each child equally for all the considerate deeds they did that day. Let them know how grateful you are for them. Be sure to compliment your hosts as well!

9. Clean Up- Encourage them to be involved in the clean up, especially if you're the host! There are lots of things they can help with. It will make things easier for you, and assure they feel involved.

10. Activity - Do we need to remind you what idle hands can do? Preparing holiday crafts, taking part in family games, and having conversations that EVERYONE takes part in will assure your children stay out of mischief. These activities will also create some of their fondest holiday memories.

Stress-Free Holiday Tips and Toy Recommendations for Families of Children with Autism
By William Frea, Ph.D, BCBA-D

Many families will soon experience an increased level of holiday-related anxiety stemming from more than just the usual demands of shopping, cooking, and decorating. The holidays can be stressful for any family, but particularly so for families living with autism. There are unfamiliar social situations, changes in routine and unstructured time off from school, all of which can be stressful and over-stimulating for a child on the autism spectrum. However, there are practical strategies parents can use to lessen children's anxiety and increase everyone's enjoyment of the holidays. Suggestions include:

• Decorate the house in gradual stages and allow your child to interact with the decorations, especially flashing lights or musical decorations, which can be disturbing to some children.
  
• Avoid crowded malls and last minute shopping.
  
• Wait until just before the holiday to set out gifts. If you put gifts under the Christmas tree, prepare well ahead of time by teaching that gifts are not to be opened without the family there. Practice by giving your child a wrapped box and a reward for keeping it intact.
  
• When opening gifts as a family, try to pass around an ornament to signal whose turn it is to open the next gift. This will help alleviate disorganization and the frustration of waiting.
  
• Prepare siblings and young relatives to share their new gifts with others.
  
• If necessary, consider giving your child a quiet space to play with his/her own gifts, away from the temptation of grabbing at other children's toys.
  
• Families should discuss ways to minimize disruptions to established routines and how to support positive behavior when disruptions happen.
  
• Try behavior support strategies, such as social stories, to help your child cope with changes in routine. Visual supports can help prepare for more complicated days.
  
• Use a visual schedule if your family will be celebrating the holidays on more than one day, such as Hanukah, to show when there will be parties/gifts and when there will not.
  

Another challenge is selecting suitable toys for a child with autism. Here are some recommendations for popular, developmentally appropriate toys for children up to five years of age:

• Large building blocks
  
• Electronic learning toys
  
• Puzzles and shape sorters
  
• Story books
  
• Dolls and large action figures
  
• Cause-and-effect toys with lights, sounds and/or music
  
• Sorting items (counting sets such as fruit and animals, stacking shapes, peg boards)
  
• Trucks and cars
  
• Play sets (e.g. kitchen, construction)
  
• Board games and board books
  
• Dress up items and beads
  
• Puppets
  
• Art supplies (markers, crayons, construction paper, glue, clay)
  

Parents should remember that every child is unique and responds differently to certain toys, so consider asking your child's therapist or teacher for toy recommendations before purchasing.

Dr. William Frea is a licensed clinical psychologist and a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. He is Co-Founder and Chief Clinical Officer of Autism Spectrum Therapies (AST), a private agency serving children and families throughout Southern California. More parent tips and information about AST's programs and services can be found on their website at www.autismtherapies.com.

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