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Tame Your Toddler!
By Lisa Baade
About 50 to 60 percent of toddlers will throw tantrums; it is a natural part of their development. It is important to note that it can begin anytime during your child's second year, and so anytime after their first birthday, and unfortunately, sometimes even before.
Is there anything we as parents can do to tame these toddlers?
Avoidance of the toddler tantrum is often the best way to cope providing you can do this without compromising on the limits you have set. Once your child has exploded into a full-fledged rage there is little you can do but minimize the damage, keep them safe and try to end it as soon as possible.
At this age we don't see much co-operation with toddlers; they don't socialize very well and they're very egocentric. Toddlers only care about what they want, but don't have the verbal skills to tell someone. When they can't get their point across the only thing they know how to do is to burst into tears or throw a tantrum. When your precious little one has turned into a little monster just remember, he is just trying to express his growing independence and doesn't have the language skills to easily express his needs.
The key is to make the toddler feel more secure. Much of their frustration stems from a lack of control over their environment. Offer them a stable routine and you may well see that they are more calm, collected and in control of their outbursts. Provide them with a means of communication; Baby Sign Language can be a useful tool to help them communicate what they want. Using simple gestures can be helpful for a toddler who doesn't have the vocabulary for all of the things in their world just yet. Baby Sign Language can also be used to re-direct the child away from the source of frustration to a more agreeable alternative.
A toddler tantrum defined by their inability to control their intense emotions and is often fueled by frustration at the lack of control they possess over their environment. It can be due to an accumulation of minor but stressful events that occurred to the toddler during the day, which finally builds up into a storm often when they are overtired or hungry. It pays to be vigilant at all times to avoid a toddler tantrum from erupting. Although it is not always achievable or practical, try to pre-empt their behavior.
It is really important to set boundaries. A toddler is overwhelmed if they do not have boundaries. Setting a routine with boundaries and consistently sticking to this will help your toddler become more resilient.
Offer them limited choices; give them the option of one thing or the other. Don't open the draw and ask them what they want to wear for the day, put out two outfits and offer them one or the other. Spend quality one on one time with your toddler. They are more likely to go off and play happily on their own once they have had their fill of your attention. Don't fight them on every single battle, pick your battles.
Rather than give in to their tantrums, use a distraction or offer an alternative to focus the attention away from the problem. Try to step in early and recognize the signs of the upcoming melt down. Focus on good behavior rather than negative. Just remember the terrible twos are a phase and will pass.
If it looks as though things are starting to build up, use a distraction to diffuse the situation before it begins. Try to work out what sets your little one off on a toddler tantrum; is it always at the shopping centre, at the end of the day or when you are due to leave someone's house? If there is a pattern to the behavior, be prepared in advance by offering a distraction that leads into the next activity.
Once the toddler tantrum has begun, try not to lose control yourself. If you do lose your cool it might pay to take some time out before dealing with the situation, providing they are in no danger or risk of harming themselves.
By raising your voice or losing your temper you are demonstrating that this is normal behavior and almost guaranteeing that they will continue to deal with situations with a lack of control in the future. Remember your toddler is feeling very scared of their ability to lose control and they are looking to you for support. By showing them that you have control over the situation when they have lost it will help them to calm down quicker. Consistency is key.
Get a head start and be prepared for what is coming. Improve their communication skills early on to avoid the frustrations later. Remain one-step ahead and provide an alternate option before the temper tantrum erupts. Pick your battles, don't fight them on every step of the way, if they are having a bad day make some allowances or put doing certain things off until another day. Positive parenting is the key.
Just remember, when you are at the shopping centre trying to avoid the flailing arms and legs from connecting, every other parent out there has been there themselves.
When it Comes to Kids
Communication is Key
By Suzie McDermott
Communicating with children can be a daunting task. Their cognitive (mental) abilities are not yet fully developed. Depending on their age they will be incapable of seeing another's point of view, seeing all sides to a problem or will not be able to visualize abstract concepts.
1) Mutual respect is a must.
By respecting our children's needs and feelings we will teach them, by example, how to respect us.
We can show respect to our children simply by accepting what they are telling us as being true for them and important to them. It is important for our children's self confidence that we acknowledge their feelings and beliefs as being real and valid. Even when their perception of reality is extorted we still need to accept that this is how they are seeing or feeling about the event.
By appreciating and trying to understand things from their point of view you will get a better understanding of why they have behaved in certain ways. And it is from this point of view that we can find solutions to problems that create a win - win situation for us all.
2) Make eye contact when you talk.
Physically get down to their level. Eye contract is very important for children (the younger the more so). If we stand and talk over our children, our words literally go straight over their heads. They are often not even aware that we are talking to them; instead our words are often just background noise. So get down to their level and make eye contract with them so they know you are talking to them.
3) Be precise in what you say.
Avoid implying things or talking in the third person. Children have many limitations on the way they can processes what you say to them. For example, young children simply do not understand things they cannot feel, see, hear or touch. Older children are still developing the ability to think in more abstract ways. All children are still very ego-centric in their thinking.
In other words keep it short, sweet and to the point. Use examples that they can relate to. Children from about 5-7 years of age will also tend not to do things that they do not see or understand the point of. It is at this age that we need to start to give short and concise explanations.
4) When Communicating With Children, Give Descriptive Feedback.
Feedback is an essential element in learning and improving on what we do. Feedback tells us if we are on the right track or not. Make it descriptive. Describe what you see in a child's picture, or describe what you like about it. For older children, reiterate what you think they are saying to make sure you are both on the same wave length.
5) Putting the negative part first is the key when we are giving short instruction like feedback.
Research has shown that we all (whether children or adults) focus on the negative component of what is said to us and on what was said last. So if we put the negative first we will soften its impact by the more positive last statement. Try it for yourself:
"Your writing is very neat and looks great, next time remember to try and put a space between the full stop and the start of the next sentence."
Now turn it around
"Next time remember to try and put a space between the full stop and the start of the next sentence, the rest of your writing is very neat and looks great."
In the first statement, it is easier to forget the positive comment and focus on the negative. The second statement although has the same words will leave the child feeling more confident and please with the good job he has done.
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