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Children, Chores and Praise
By Janet Nusbaum
Praise is an essential part of offering regular encouragement to a child who would otherwise find the task of household chores undesirable. It also helps remind children that their contributions to the household are appreciated and a necessary component to its functionality.
Young children respond especially well to verbal praise, as it contributes to their sense of self-worth. Small children desire to be valued by the grown-ups in their lives and will often repeat behavior that leads to praise for positively contributing to their environment. I remember the days when my daughters pretended to be vacuuming with their toy vacuum cleaner right along side of me as I vacuumed. A few simple, encouraging words that validate their efforts around the house can go a long way in building self-confidence, a sense of community and inviting them to repeat the behavior.
Be careful however - praising a child to an extreme can be counterproductive. For the past few decades, parents have gone to extremes with excessive praise toward their children. This method can have an underlying message that a child has to look externally to a parent or adult for validation. A more productive and lasting method of praise emphasizes:
- The behavior the child exhibited while completing a chore, rather than the result. Rather than saying "great job cleaning up your room", which doesn't give your child much information to repeat the desired behavior, instead say, "you really worked hard to make your bed. I appreciate your effort."
- The actions your child exhibits. An important element of learning at any age and skill level is to feel valued as an individual with unique talents and strengths. When my daughter was learning to make her bed, I found every opportunity to praise her efforts. As a result, she has developed a strength through the basic actions of cleaning up her room.
Praise children for doing household chores in a fun and engaging manner. Review with your child the steps that it took to do the chore, all the while congratulating and complimenting him for his efforts. This method reinforces for a child the importance of the chore's process and the effort it took to complete it.
Praising efforts rather than results can also instill a sense of cooperativeness and teamwork in your children - both of which are essential as they grow to be functional parts of society. Whether parents realize it or not, the praise that they give children after completing a chore can indirectly effect how children approach and handle interpersonal relationships in the future. The lessons learned from chores while younger, including the value of helpfulness and cooperation, can lead to successful relationships and satisfactory personal lives down the road.
Keep in mind that children, especially when learning new chores, are not likely to perform the chore to an adult's standard. But just like you, they have to start somewhere. Parents should be generous with praise and understand that instruction may need to be repeated until the child performs to his highest ability or the chore is done correctly.
So the next time your child performs his assigned household chores consider the lessons to your child and don't be afraid to tell him how proud you are of his efforts, behavior and accomplishments. Your praise can contribute to the next phrase of their personal development and help smooth their road to adulthood.
How to Handle a Pet Passing Away!
By Lindsey Clair
Pets are such a wonderful addition to a family unit. They bring joy and excitement to everyone involved, especially children. In time, a family pet eventually just mixes in as a member of the family.
Because of the love and joy a pet brings the thought of it possibly dying isn't even a part of one's thinking, not yet anyways. What do you do when your pet does pass away? What do you tell your children? Here are some tips on what to tell your children when the family pet does pass away.
Be Direct
The worst thing a parent can do after the loss of a pet is try to hide it. Tell your child right away what happened. Sure, they may be confused, angry, bitter etc., but this is a normal part of the grieving process.
Plan a burial and memorial
Many may think this is cheesy and unnecessary idea since it's just a pet. Really if the pet became a part of the family then they have a right to a burial and memorial too. This gets your child involved in their memories and it also teaches them about the life and death process.
Shop for a new pet
Take a family trip to the pet store. Buying a new pet may help relieve some of the pain and add some much needed happiness. Let your child know that you are just going to the store to look around. You are not going to replace the one you lost since you will always have a special place in your heart for your beloved pet. If it's too soon, revisit the pet store at a later date until everyone is ready.
Every child handles the loss of a pet differently. One child may cry a lot, the other may seem withdrawn. No matter what there is no wrong or right way of grieving as long as no one is harming themselves or others.
If your family does eventually decide on a new pet the hard part will be choosing a new name. Keep in mind at least one family member will probably want to name the pet after the other pet. Some find this cruel and unfair and others see it as not a problem since it was only a pet and not a person. If you are faced with this situation have the whole family think up of 4 names. Then narrow them down to 2 and then do a hat drawing. The one with the most votes gets that name. This way no one is fighting and arguing if the pet should have the same name as the pet that passed way.
As the weeks go by; you or even your children will experience waves of sadness and tears as reality sets in. The best thing to do during this time is to look at pictures or even watch home videos which involve your pet. Though you may have a new addition to the family it will be evident that this pet cannot replace the one you had. Don't be surprised if your child or children become distant or withdrawn from the new pet. This will pass. It may take time for them to warm up to this new pet even if it is as something as small as a fish. When you get used to caring for something for so long, any changes can affect how one feels.