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Finer Things
The Fast And The Spurious
By Colin Archdeacon
Lie down and close your eyes.
Envision yourself behind the steering wheel of an impeccably crafted driving machine, the open road roaring past you. Gale force winds electrify your hair and force sunglasses onto your smiling face. As your left foot bears down on the clutch and you slide effortlessly into third gear, a realization flashes across your mind that makes you start to tremble in your moquette-lined interior compartment: “If I'm having this much fun in a toy car at the age of ten, what unspeakable automotive ecstasies might lay ahead of me?”
We are fortunate enough to live in a time when even children can be afforded the luxuries of Ferrari ownership. If you don't believe me, then ask the folks down at Ultimate Toyz on Canoga Avenue in Chatsworth. The age of the fully functioning children's cars has dawned.
Be satisfied by models as diverse as the LeMans Junior Race Car, the Jr. Off Roader (with optional camper trailer), or the Audi Two Seater. Each toy is a gorgeous facsimile of some high-performance roadworthy mainstay. I think it's safe to say that any kid who receives one of these cars as a gift will completely freak out. As a parent, you are responsible for gauging your child's susceptibility to complete freak-outs. If, after having weighed the consequences of your child experiencing such deep emotional fulfillment at a very early age, you should see it fit to purchase one of these cars, be warned, they are not cheap. In fact, they cost about as much as real cars cost.
Humbler models like the 500 SL Two Seater M-3 or the Mini Monster Truck will run you upwards of $13,000. More practical specimens, like the Camper Trailer for the Kids Jr. Off Roader, can boast price tags of up to $38,000. Somewhere out there, however, there are those for whom these models will not suffice. It is for these expensive tastes that the cars-for-children industry has created the Ferrari Testarossa Two Seater Car for Kids. Those lucky enough to access the spectacular Testarossa will be cruising around in a vehicle whose $97,395 value dwarfs that of the average American family sedan. Delicious.
To give you an idea of how realistic these cars actually are, allow me to furnish you with some specifications. First and foremost, they run on gasoline. Most of them are fashioned out of high-density fiberglass while others consist of complex laminates of polystyrene, vinyl and aluminum. Seat belts, headlights, vulcanized tires, rear suspension, and ABS brakes grace all models. The spiffiest can reach 30 mph. Most of them carry AM/FM stereos as a standard feature. Some of them even have cassette decks. As most of these cars are exorbitantly expensive and custom ordered, it is difficult to locate a toy store in your area that might carry a floor model.
According to the guys down at Ultimate Toyz in Chatsworth, most of these cars are bought by fathers who want their son to have a miniature version of daddy's car. This is why the customization options are so intricate and accommodating; these toys are literally designed, by the consumer, as copies of very specific real cars. If you want to learn more about this burgeoning industry and the philosophies which it embodies, you should steer your mouse over to mobileation.com or carsforchildren.com. These are both refreshingly dedicated retailers who would be happy to speak with you at length about little cars. Of course if you're like me and a good old face-to-face conversation always trumps an hour in front of a computer screen, you might just want to get in touch with the wonderful people at Ultimate Toyz. They are, after all, the authority on this kind of thing.