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Taking New Leaps:
When Your Child is Starting School
By Sue Atkins
From the moment you play peek-a-boo with your baby, you are preparing them for independence. Separation can often be a difficult not only for you but also for your child.
Some children experience worry, apprehension, fear, anxiety or distress. Feeling nervous and anxious occasionally is completely normal. Life is full of challenges and sometimes it is natural for your child to retreat from the situation.
School is a place away from home where your child will have some of their greatest successes, challenges, failures and embarrassments. It is at school that your young child learns about how the world works and meets and interacts with people from outside your family.
And it is also where children learn about themselves: their strengths, weaknesses, interests and how they relate to others socially. Children learn to perform in a way they never have to at home and they learn that they are unique, different and separate from you. So, school can appear fun and exciting but also rather daunting and stressful. There are new expectations.
Starting school can be an exciting new adventure or a terrifying nerve-racking, nail-biting experience. This depends on a number of factors.
Here are some positive parenting pointers
Talk about what to expect - the activities (if it is nursery - the snacks, milk-time, story time or quiet time, the routines) if it is starting middle school, the anxiety of finding their way around, the new homework expectations, the new friend issues, the new timetable or the new route home.
Take your child to the nursery, elementary school, or middle school to get the feel of the place. With younger children, the place where they go to the toilet or hang their coat is of great importance. Let your younger child know that it's perfectly normal to feel nervous and worried about being away from you and get them to think of a familiar object or toy they could bring in with them until they get used to the changes.
Find a "buddy" or special friend who your child could go in with or pal around with during the new experience.
Make the school ritual relaxed by laying out the school clothes or making the sandwiches the night before and getting your child involved. It helps take away some of the anxiety.
What to do if your child has difficulties
Stay for a little while for the first day or two but always talk to your child's teacher first about this, as some teachers don't always like this idea. As your child feels more comfortable, make your stay shorter and shorter and then just stay long enough to say goodbye.
Be firm about attending school and don't "give in" to staying at home.
Always come back on time so your child can feel secure and safe knowing you are waiting for them. With older children don't bombard them with questions like "Well, how was it?" Let them relax and talk about it in their own time.
Always reassure and be accepting of your child's worries and concerns. Always acknowledge your child's feelings as it shows respect to their genuine emotions and it gives you an opportunity to help them learn to cope.
Always stay positive even if your child reverts to thumb sucking, clinginess, bedwetting or having nightmares. These behaviors are usually only temporary setbacks.
Encourage your older child to ask for help if they get lost, or don't understand their homework - encourage them to realize everyone is in the same boat and is only too keen to help.
I hope you and your child grow, change and laugh and learn together through the exciting but sometimes scary time of starting school and with your patience, understanding and love you find it a rewarding and positive experience for both of you.