“CHOICES, A MEMOIR” by Carol Grier
By Marie Rowe

Carol Grier’s memoir, “Choices” is proof that life is a series of events that shape our decisions to either move forward beyond our circumstances, or to stay in what might appear to be a “safe” comfort zone, but which may ultimately prove to be detrimental. The whole purpose of life is to grow into our own being by learning from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. All too often though, we fall into the same pattern of behavior and dysfunction that has preceded us.

A prime example of history not defining who we become, author Carol Grier was determined to overcome the conflicts that had been placed on her path and did it with strength and great dignity.

In “Choices”, she describes the colorful, troubled and tragic lives of her ancestors, leading to her birth, in 1924, in a farmhouse in Idaho. She paints a glorious picture of her childhood in Yosemite National Park and the happiness she felt living in the magnificence of nature, while dealing with an unhappy family life. She details her experiences of the Great Depression, the war years, the turbulent sixties and unpredictable eighties, easing into the excitement of the 21st century. She shares what it was like to live in poverty stricken times and the fear and loneliness she felt as a young mother. She survived marriage to an abusive, philandering husband and came to terms with a gay son who eventually died of AIDS. She learned to cope with difficult stepchildren and their drug abuse and mental illness that marred an otherwise perfect second marriage.

I think a lot of people will relate to Carol’s story – the good, the bad and the ugly – because the truth is that most of our lives are filled with trials and tribulations. Very few of us can happily sail through life without confronting problems or dysfunctions of some kind. For some the road is less cluttered and the obstacles easier to confront, but others have more of a struggle.

This author’s journey was certainly bumpy, but she was able to recognize the possibilities for growth and did not shy away from the opportunities that came her way. She was adept at “pulling her socks up” and getting on with life, no matter what.
Whenever one reads or hears of someone experiencing hardship and unhappiness in life, there’s a hope…a wish…that better days will be ahead for that person. This was the case for Carol. With the help of a good friend she met her second husband - the love of her life. Even though he came with ‘baggage’ (who doesn’t?), nonetheless, with this relationship she was encouraged to become the person she was meant to be.

I had a few questions related to her father from whom she was separated when quite young and who appeared in her life from time to time. He was a shadowy figure and as with all mystery characters, the level of intrigue sometimes outweighs the reality. It could be that what she wrote about him was the sum total of his worth. I was also curious about her stepchildren and wanted to know a little more about them, beyond the stepdaughter who was the most troubled. There were several other loose ends regarding her son, but clearly I will have to read her first memoir “Secrets” to get those questions answered.

Now 85 years old, with “Choices, a memoir”, Carol proves that, as she so wisely puts it: “Escaping one’s family roots is only achieved by the choices one makes.”

Even though many of her earlier choices were not ideal, they certainly imbued her with fierce determination and an indomitable spirit. She has achieved academic and artistic success and is an inspiration to people of all ages. She is presently working on a book “How to Recognize a Good Man When You Meet Him”, as well as a novel set in the mountains of Idaho.

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